LEECH: The Medicaid

Bettering Yourself At the Expense of Others

So? That's it. You're done. Character made. Go away.

What? Oh, you were going to actually PLAY this character? You'd inflict THAT jerk on your fellow players? What kind of heartless, cold...oh, you say they're all doing it, too. Well, that's alright, then. Just as long as everyone's clear on this.

Okay, if you're actually playing the game, you can actually get some experience points. (OGL&M: Not too many, mind, or they won't need to play anymore, and then who will you experiment on? Keep it down around 4 or 5 a session, or 20, if they'll sleep with you or do your shopping.)


You can be sure your Storytiller will award you generously, because Storytillers are kind and giving folk, and you better not have read that private note clearly marked and intended JUST FOR the Storytiller.

So, as you get your experience points, you can spend them to build up your character, kind of like the old Killer Bee points, though the costs have changed. Adding a new Liability, with just one line, costs 3 points, and a new Kiss-Up Line is seven flat. If you want to increase something you already have, you'll have to multiply. (Oooohhh...)

Kiss-Up Lines can be awfully expensive *except* for the three in your Plan. If it's one of your original three, it only costs three times your current boat; if it's not, it's times five. (This is where Midwiffs get screwed, by the way. So much for you oh-so-clever folk who wanted to strike out and combine the Kiss-Up Lines in a way I hadn't anticipated for you. Let that be a lesson to you: The Storytiller may know all, but the game designer knows best. So nyah.) Attriboats are uniformly four times your current level, and Liabilities only double. Increasing your Pill Bottle's capacity or building on your Spur/Glues only costs whatever the current level is, so if you've got Incorrigible at Submarine and want to build it up to Battleship, that's just three experience points.

On the down side, your Hum-A-Ditty, after character creation, goes floating free, no longer dependent upon nor influenced by the Spur/Glues. So when you increase your Unconscionable rating, that's all that goes up. Improving your Hum-A-Ditty can only be done after lots of concentrated effort on reaching the goal of your own Golf-Condo. Perhaps if you gain a new contact in the golf industry, or succeed at a risky real estate venture...but ultimately, this is absolutely one-hundred percent up to OGL&M, who will probably keep you too busy with other things all the time anyway.

What's worse, you can *lose* Hum-A-Ditty points. The path to success is fraught with dangers, and you'll have to harden yourself to trampling over anyone who gets in your way if you want to enjoy a refreshing game of golf on your own course. Whenever your character does something that seems likely to endanger their standing or finances, or that suggests they may not have the stomach for this kind of thing, OGL&M can have you roll one of the three Spur/Glues to see if you can get back in `the Zone' in time. Roll Control Freak if you've let someone else take charge and, more importantly, credit; Unconscionable if you've given something for the betterment of mankind; and Incorrigible if you take the time to realize that you've hurt someone. Note that neither the Genter nor Generosity Backrubs count for any of these; both of those entail not true altruism, but only cynical self-interest.

The ultimate goal of any of Leech is to have your own Golf-Condo. A home where you don't have to mow the lawn, but which nevertheless sports its own golf course. It's not so much to ask, really. Strangely, achieving this goal has nothing to do with the Domicile Kiss-Up Line; those homes are oriented to impress others, while a Golf-Condo is entirely for your own pleasure. How close a Leech is to achieving a Golf-Condo can be determined by their Hum-A-Ditty; a Leech who actually achieves a full Steamliner of Hum-A-Ditty has made it all the way, and will be heard humming tunes like "Easy Street", "Home On The Range", and the smash hit by Murray and the Moneygrubbers, "My Golf-Condo Is Bigger Than Your Golf-Condo (Nyah, Nyah)".

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Leaning to the left makes you Trendy.
Leaning to the right sends you unto the further World of Leechdom.