LEECH: The Medicaid



This Plan is the least humanitarian of all the Plans. Really, the Nosoferous usually aren't diseased themselves. Not anymore, anyway. I mean, in the old days, maybe. It used to be the best way to get a few choice germs where they could do the most good. Nowadays, you just take a little bottle into the subway, and presto.

No one likes to hang out with the Nosoferous. They're kind of...creepy. But they're a critical aspect to the Plan. They ensure that diseases stay around. I mean, those blasted scientists have gone and cured Polio, eradicated smallpox...if the bastards had their way, they'd cure the cold, and put Leeches right out of business. Besides which, you can't count on some dumb germ to carry far enough fast enough to drum up the kind of epidemic that keeps the Dentrue and Trematore in their yachts and mansions.

So the Nosoferous do it for them. It's actually quite self sacrificing of them, as they often risk exposure themselves to do the job, and many of the Nosoferous have been disfigured or even killed by potent strains of flu or pox. The Plan was nearly wiped out in their otherwise highly successful plague work, and after all they did seeing to it that people killed off the cats that might have saved their lives, they STILL resent the phrase, "Avoid it like the plague." Bloody ingrates.

Note that some particularly enterprising Nosoferous work to ensure that other medical problems keep cropping up, through such means as the tobacco industry, selling other drugs to kids, or helping the auto industry fight silly requirements like seatbelts and airbags that, dammit, *cost* *them* *money*. Admittedly, not very much money, especially considering they just hype it up as a great new thing and charge more for the car, but they sure do cut down on injuries, don't they?

Appearance: Hazmat suits are popular, as are the uniforms of various oil companies that might put them in a position to cause a good spill. Many have lost their hair; enough, in fact, that it's believed that male pattern baldness is one of their works, too.

Heaven: Oh, anyplace with too many people and too little hygiene. Fleas are good, too.

Background: It's hard to find people with the right attitude to join the Nosoferous Plan. It takes a certain...what they like to call "flexible morality," to see the importance of what they do. As a result, they try to lure a lot of people out of government jobs.

Genesis Guidelines: Unlike the Malpractivans, Nosoferous are quite happy as Abutements, Intrados or even Pier, while some take an interesting view of the Impost role. Fizzy Attriboats are good if you don't want to pick up every little bug you work with, and Talons are favored. Almost any Backrub is likely.

Plan Kiss-Up Lines: Animosity, Attitude, Obsequate

Weak Kneesies: Obviously, they love a new strain of influenza. Anything else that'll bring a long line of people to the doctor's office is good, too...war, famine, heatwave, whatever. For themselves, however, they'll fight for holocaust survival gear...gas masks, bomb shelters, that sort of thing.

Organ Donation: They're very giving types, in a certain sense, they just don't tend to give anything anyone WANTS.

Quote: "'Ere, now, boy, doncher want some candy? Eh? 'Atsa good lad. An' remember what I told yer 'bout washin' yer hands, eh? Rub the skin right off, doin' that ever' night, you will. Not more'n once a week's safe. And quit wearin' them toothies down with that silly brush, neh?"

Stereotypes: The most fashionable thing among Nosoferous right now is an old phonogram. Go figure.

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