LEECH: The Medicaid

This system is centered around the "Storytiller" concept. The Storytiller, like a rototiller, exists to chop you into little bits and grind you into the dirt. We will refer to the Storytiller alternately as OGL&M, for Oh Great Lord & Master; a choice we prefer in that it leaves no confusion just who's in charge here.

{Alternately, it sometimes stands for Oh Great Lady & Mistress. If this is the case, just brace yourself. Lady Storytillers are the worst. Male Storytillers you can often bribe with little donuts and get little considerations, but the female of the species you have to bribe just so she'll deign to grind you beneath her heel.}

You're probably wondering about now, "Leech? LEECH? Alright, Prestidigitatorrs, fine, that made sense. Dumpy Balding Guys...that was stretching things, but sure, you managed to make people who were essentially putty into something amusing, anyway, and we're all excited about the Bestat supplement. But leeches? How can you possibly make blood-sucking parasites of no socially redeeming value...interesting?"

Well, I must say, I've often wondered the same thing regarding the inspiration for this piece, but that's just me. In Leech: The Medicaid, however, we're referring to a somewhat different form of parasite...the medical profession.

Before I get into the actual game, I wish to note that personally, I have significant respect for doctors and medical science as a whole. It has failings, of course, but most of the problems herein ascribed to the medical industry I actually believe come from a different source - to wit, the insurance industry, which truly befits the description, "parasite". (One day, I hope, people are going to look around and realize that insurance companies, when it comes down to it, provide -absolutely no service whatsoever-; they just collect money and occasionally give a little bit back, but if they provided a net benefit to society, they logically couldn't function. It's pretty impressive, in a way...the Kashinhand Brotherhood could only dream of claiming credit for an operation that big.)

But, enough of that. In Leech, you get the opportunity to play a member of the medical profession at its worst...interested in collecting cash and playing golf, with its services based largely on quackery and pseudoscience.

What does it mean to be a Leech? Primarily, it means you've traded in your very humanity for the trappings of wealth. The ultimate focus of your life is to suck the money from your vict..patients, though you may pretend to other obsessions. But though it means you may never interact normally in human society again without some dolt hitting you up for free advice about his gross and embarrassing problems, there are some advantages.

Almost all Leeches have a kind of retractable morality, able to present themselves as sincerely interested in the healing and betterment of mankind. Once the sucker bites, the Leech need only get his or her credit card numbers and partake freely. Leeches usually carry around significant amounts of cash which can be used to perform superhuman feats, like being seated as soon as you arrive at certain high class country club restaurants. And finally, they're initiated into the society of the Medicaid, rife with politics, for which all Leeches learn certain delicate (or blunt) Kiss-Up Lines.

But this is not to say there isn't a downside. The first regards the sun, which most Leeches will not see for at least eight years of medical school. Also, Leeches are creatures of the latest fad, and tend to be rather Trendy regarding their practice...when a particular drug or treatment comes out, they all tend to start prescribing it for everything; whether this is a real compulsion or just laziness is unknown. As a Leech, you'll be occasionally (very occasionally) bothered by your Morals. Other Leeches who are competing for the same grant money and patients you need will do almost anything to get ahead and knock you down. A stick of wood through your chest will most certainly do a lot of damage.

There are, however, a few misconceptions about Leeches as well. For one, they don't spend THAT much time admiring themselves in front of mirrors, as a group...that's Wreaths. Holy Cymbals and Gongs have been out of vogue for a long time now. And while they may just pop into patients' rooms without knocking, they, like the rest of us, consider it very rude to do so in almost any other context.


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Left and you return to the table of contents.
Go right, young'un, and begin your quest for the Plans.