Who's this Mortijingle Guy, Anyway?

Words from the High Priest of Mortijingle
K. Mark Lintz

What's the secret of comedy?

No, no, not the TRUE secrets. I'm not talking about Chevy Chase and Martin Short in the basement, wearing the robes, drawing mystic inscriptions, and chanting in pig-latin. I'd be in too much trouble if I gave away THOSE secrets. Heck, if I even hinted that there WERE such secrets, I'd...be...er, but of course, I'm only joking. *ahem*
Moving right along, then.

No, I meant the common knowledge secret. Specifically, timing. I'm hardly the first to say it. I know this because it wasn't something I even thought of myself, though just offhand I can't remember where I DID hear it. Penn and Teller, maybe.

Anyway, after the first time I heard it, I gave it some thought, and I've decided it's true. Timing, on balance, is even more important than delivery. WAY more important than actually having something funny to say. (When it comes to making people laugh, having something funny to say is of trivial importance, at best, relied upon by amateurs and fools. So nyah.)

My point, and I DO have one, is that, well...you may have noticed a certain, shall we say, lapse, in our Magazine of Nefarious Jocularity. What I was hoping for was to work out an explanation as to why such a long pause was actually necessary on a comedic temporality scale, throw in some charts, maybe with a few astrology references, and if I was very lucky, maybe even find a use for that metronome. (Not to be confused with a metro gnome. Gnomes are, almost without exception, a rural lot, and if you see a very tiny person with a red pointy hat in a city, it's more likely Ross Perot trying out Redcap corporate tactics.)

I'm afraid it's not going to happen, though. Run-on sentences are all well and good, but after a while a joke just kind of collapses in on itself. (Like the classic "Orange you glad I didn't say banana?" The black hole of comedy.) Sorry 'bout that.

I COULD go on about my personal life, but that's traditionally reserved as an Editor's Privilege, and I'm just the High Priest around here. So where's that leave me, hm? Well, once again, I have gone on a deep, personal quest, seeking answers within myself, and once again, I have been disappointed. All I came up with there was, "sitting in front of the computer, rambling on, hoping I hit on something amusing." Ha. The truth shall set you free, my foot. No, rather, I think that leaves me lounging in my bed, with my harem of buxom redheads waiting patiently to see what they can do for me next. Yeah, there we go...

So, if you'll just excuse me, I've got buxom redheads to attend to. I'm sure you understand.

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j n m ( m n j )
"Repetition makes everything funnier."
"No, really. Repetition makes everything funnier."
"I heard somewhere, that repetition made everything funnier."
"Yeah, it's true. Repetition makes everything funnier."
"Unless it makes it annoying."
"Yeah, that, too."